For all you walking dead out there for whom the weight isn't falling off (heh heh) quite fast enough, here's a few tips on zero carbing for the Halloween season!
1. Beware of organ meats. Liver actually contains carbs, did you know that? Indulge in moderation if you wish to keep your svelte, gaunt look.
2. Net carbs versus no carbs. You get to subtract fiber! This means if you accidentally ingest some clothing or the odd bit of jewelry, you don't have to count the extra carbs.
3. Walk it off! Exercise is a good thing, even though a slow shambling pace doesn't burn off a lot of calories. But moving around has additional benefits, because every little bit that falls off means less weight!
4. Chew the fat. Did you know that bone marrow and brains have very high fat content? Or that raw meat contains absolutely no trans fats?
5. Dodge diabetes. Beware not only of Halloween candy, but of people who have overindulged in Halloween candy. The blood of diabetics is high in glucose. Glucose is sugar. Sugar is bad. Therefore, eating people who are full of sugar is bad. Don't do it.
6. Okay . . . it happens. Zombies lose bits and pieces, and meat takes teeth to chew. If necessary, you may have to resort to meat grinders or a Vitamix blender. Both of which have buttons. So my advice is, don't lose your fingers.
7. Only water is water. However, zombies don't drink water, so . . . who cares?
8. Never accept apples on Halloween. Apples are carby. Besides, razor blades happen, and that's just unacceptable. Real zombies do not floss.
9. Sharing is caring. Broaden your social circle and exercise portion control at the same time. Bring a dozen friends and share. Zombies who meet together, eat together!
Have a happy, healthy and carb-free undead Halloween!